The GO Train Arithmetic Song

Twenty-five drunks on a train.

Only one window seat free.

Thirteen dead flies on the pane.

Two hairy hands on your knee.


Seventeen soccer club mufflers

Floating in thirty-four hands.

Twenty five vomiting shufflers

Delivered to you from the stands.


Three noses pointed your way.

Eleven mouths ask what you’re reading.

Five cracks at please go away,

None with a hope of succeeding.


Forty-four backs in the aisles.

Seven more stops on the map.

Twenty-one wobbling smiles.

Fifty-two cans in your lap.


One and a half lousy feet

Up to the wall strip alarm.

Ten inches down to the street.

Ten fingers pried from your arm.


Fifty years flashing ahead.

What will remain of your youth?

You’ll yearn for the heavenly bed;

But then, at the moment of truth,


When you have entered the dark,

There you will meet them again:

Pursuing the Stygian bark,

Twenty-five drunks on a train.

by Alexandra Oliver