Storing Human Carbon

Plants not only generate our oxygen, 
they also capture traffic jams of C
O2; useless when we are killing trees 
and burning fossil sunshine. Limestone rocks can
 
confirm that coral reefs will store more carbon 
in their skeletons than a year’s supply of oil;
pointless when we keep finding ways to spoil 
their pretty polyps. We have left this garden
 
to rot and now it’s time to make a stand, 
take matters into our hands to save the world: 
so give all virile boys fertile girls, 
pack them full of vitamin E and grant
 
them privacy; focus all research by edict 
on eliminating infant deaths; only succor 
female babies; cancel medical support 
for the aged - in fact, euthanize any relict 
 
over 50; ban cremation; be efficient
and bury the dead quickly in welded casks 
from recycled bicycles (methane has 
the highest Global Warming Coefficient). 
 
In other words, since we are 18%
carbon, we can set ourselves a goal
of trapping CO2 as human coal.
If no one breathes and all our waste is sent
 
down drilled disposal wells, we can create
a balanced pace of death to build a future 
where people’s lives are truly carbon-neutral. 
We call this Earth’s Sustainable Burial Rate

by Lew Watts

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